The truth

Why do men di.e first?

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a pansy.

If you work too hard, there’s never any time for her.

If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.

If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domi.nation. If SHE asks you, it’s a favor.

If you appreciate the fem.ale form and se.xy underwear, you’re a pervert. If you don’t, you’re g.ay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist. If you don’t, you’re unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. If you don’t, you’re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.

If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re full of yourself. If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she’s tired. If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you’re oversexed. If you don’t, there must be someone else.

Why do men d.ie first?

Because they F**KING want to!

The truth

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Epic wife

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, ‘Honey, I’ll be right back.’

‘Where are you going, Coochy Coo?’ asked the wife.

‘I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face,’ he answered. I’m going to have a beer.’

The wife said, ‘You want a beer, my love?’ She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, ‘Yes, Lollipop… but at the ba r. .. You know…they have frozen glasses… ‘

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, ‘You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?’ She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, ‘Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?’

‘You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?’ She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken ! wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

‘But my sweet honey… at the bar…. you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…’

‘You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SH.IT! SIT YOUR AS.S DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D’OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED AS.S ISN’T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKA.SS?’

source:  www.http://www.searchquotes.com/search/Adult_Humor/

Epic wife

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Top 10 Ways Your Smartphone S.ucks

Smartphones have become the norm today, but that doesn’t mean they are 100% better. There are definite ways you would improve your “smart” phone if you could!

10. Battery Life

In comparison to the old flip phone you used to carry, your smartphone sucks more juice and usually dies sooner than you’d like. There’s nothing more annoying than being stuck out without a phone and no way of charging it!

9. Type Guessing

You’re phone tries so hard to understand what you are trying to say – but check Facebook and you’ll see a litany of autocorrect mistakes that can get you. This is mostly due to such a small keyboard compared to our thumb size and dexterity.

8. Controlling Your Own Phone

You may have noticed that your iPhone and your friends Android have different apps from you. But why can’t you change your apps? Not getting to control all the apps you want to use (or not use) can be frustrating. You just want to get rid of these useless apps!

7. Durability

Your previous flip phone could all but run over with a car before it would break – now your iPhone screen is cracked and you can’t text or call, and all you did was drop it two feet sitting on your couch!

6. Picture Quality

Probably one of the most improved issues with smartphones is the picture quality. With more people replacing their traditional cameras with their pocket ready smartphones – let’s face it, the camera quality comparatively sucks!

5. Dizzy With Distraction

Your phone e-mails, texts, Facebooks, Tweets, and still occasionally calls you. With all those capabilities you would think you are super productive and focused. Not so. Instead it becomes a distraction while driving, talking to friends, or even in your business meeting!

4. Constant Upgrades

So you just bought the iPhone 5 so you think you have the latest and greatest now – nope! The iPhone 6 is coming out just months after you bought your phone. There are some apps you can’t use, you are missing features, but that upgrade is super expensive!

3. Silence!

Notifications, text messages, and phone calls are not only distracting but also noisy! You can turn your phone to silent but that doesn’t stop those distracting messages coming across your screen. You can become almost become cross-eyed from the overwhelming notification attack.

2. Money, money, money

Data overages, text limits, and just the cost of minutes for smartphones these days are just ridiculous! There is nothing more annoying than getting your phone bill and seeing all the extra fees on an already outrageous bill.

1. Being a Phone

You can text, post to Facebook, Tweet, e-mail – you name it, it seems like your smartphone can do it. But wait, you did get your phone to make phone calls didn’t you? Ironically, when polled smartphone users report annoyance over dropped calls more than anything else!

With “modern” phones trying to make our lives easier, sometimes they just fall short and make it more difficult instead. Some days your phone just sucks!

Source: gizmocrazed.com

Top 10 Ways Your Smartphone S.ucks

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THE BUGATTI VEYRON…BEETLE EDITION

If you had any doubts that Bugatti belongs to the same group as the makers of the legendary Beetle, just take a look at this, admittedly humorous, but at the same time, high-quality digital rendering, from the creative minds at RC82 Workchop.

The Polish artist(s) incorporated all the design cues of the original (or classic) Volkswagen Beetle, from the deep-dish steel wheels and bug eyes, to the window frames and exterior door hinges, on the shape of the Bugatti Veyron hypercar.

Do you think it would be worth someone’s time, work and money to actually build a real-life version of the Bugeyron or whatever else you want to call it?

via: carscoops.com

THE BUGATTI VEYRON…BEETLE EDITION

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